The episode starts off with a rendezvous between Mal and an old war buddy-turned-smuggler by the name of Monty. It is soon discovered that Monty married a girl named Bridget - who also happened to be known as Saffron. A small brawl ensues and Monty discovers the truth about his wife, although it cost him his cherished "soup catcher" of a beard. 
Basically, the premise of this episode is that "YoSafBridge" (a.k.a. Saffron, Bridget, Yolanda, etc.) was going to involve Monty and his crew on a heist of a priceless artifact - one of the first laser guns ever created. The crew, with Saffron's help, make plans to sneak the Lasiter out of a rich Alliance military officer's floating island on Bellerophon by throwing the laser gun into an automated disposal system. While the plan seems like a good one, obviously something goes wrong.
The visuals are interesting with the floating islands of Bellerophon where the wealthy live it up in an ultimate testament to paranoia privacy.
There is also the bit of story about Simon finding out about Jayne's betrayal on Ariel (in Ariel).
Original airdate: never aired
Written by: Jose Molina & Ben Edlund
Directed by: Vern Gillum
Read the script
Highlights
- Zoe hitting Saffron.
- Inara and Saffron at the garbage bin.
- Simon and Jayne in the infirmary.
- River's comment to Jayne in the infirmary.
- Mal sitting nekkid in the desert.
Trivia
- The display on the garbage dumpster is the Microsoft Windows desktop.
- As Mal's shuttle lands, one of aircrafts flying around the palace looks exactly like SR-71.
Quotes
MAL: Yep. That went well.
MONTY: Mal, I want you to meet my Bridget. (Yo Saf Bridge and Mal draw guns on each other) So... you guys have met.
MAL: You're gonna want to pull your claw out of that bag, nice and slow.
SAFFRON: Relax. I'm not going for a gun or anything. (gets a lipstick) Just freshening up.
MAL: You and lipstick are a dangerous combination, if I recall.
SAFFRON: Mmm. You missed a spot.
MAL: Can't miss a place you've never been.
MAL: This is my scrap of nowhere. You go on, find your own.
SAFFRON: You can't just leave me here on this lifeless piece-of-crap moon.
MAL: I can.
SAFFRON: I'll die.
MAL: Well, as a courtesy, you might start getting busy on that, 'cause all this chatter ain't doin' me any kindness.
SAFFRON: This was all your fault, you know. I had the perfect crime lined up.
MAL: Sure. You were gonna steal a man's beard.
SAFFRON: No, you HOE-tze duh PEE-goo! A million-square job. The big time. I was gonna cut Monty and his crew in, but you screwed
that royal.
MAL: Odd, but I don't think I'll be losing any sleep over it.
SAFFRON: I've got the layout, entrance codes… Believe me, this practically robs itself.
MAL: Bye-bye, now.
INARA: Right, you're a criminal mastermind! What was the last cargo we snuck past the Alliance to transport?
MAL: That was a little dif—
INARA: What was the cargo?
MAL: [pauses, embarrassed] They were dolls.
INARA: They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled!
MAL: Hey! People love those!
INARA: Well, since I can't seem to find work as Companion, I might as well become a petty thief like you!
MAL: Petty?
INARA: I didn't mean petty.
MAL: What did you mean?
INARA: Suo-SHEE?
MAL: ...That's Chinese for "petty".
DURRAN: How long have you been with him?
MAL: Oh— pfft! We are not together.
SAFFRON: He's my husband.
MAL: Well, who in the damn galaxy ain't?!
MAL: Unless... it looks like… we're stealing your priceless Lassiter, 'cause... that's what we're doing. Don't ask me about the gun, though, 'cause that's new.
RIVER: She's a liar.
JAYNE: That don't exactly set her apart from the rest of us. The plunder sounds fun enough.
RIVER: She's a liar, and no good will come of her.
JAYNE: Well, as a rule, I say, girlfolk ain't to be trusted.
RIVER: Jayne is a girl's name.
JAYNE: Well, Jayne ain't a girl! She starts in on that girl's-name thing, I'll show her good 'n' all, I got man parts!
SIMON: I'm... trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. I just... it's not coming.
SAFFRON: You won't tell anyone about me breaking down.
MAL: I won't.
SAFFRON: Then I won't tell anyone how easily I got your gun out of your holster. [Points the gun at Mal.]
MAL: I'll take that as a kindness.
SAFFRON: You just may be the most gullible fool I ever marked. And that makes you special.
JAYNE: Is [s]pine okay?
SIMON: How much did they offer you to sell out me and River on Ariel?
JAYNE: Das crazy talk.
SIMON: Then let's talk crazy. How much?
JAYNE: Anybody there?
[River pokes in.]
JAYNE: Anybody else?
RIVER: Also? I can kill you with my brain.
Chinese Phrases
- BUN tyen-shung duh ee-DWAY-RO.
"Stupid, inbred pile of meat." (Saffron, addressing the departing Monty.)
"Monkey's butt!" (Saffron, addressing Mal.)
"Let's take a deep breath." (Mal, as he and Inara argue.)
"narrow" (Inara, backpedaling to Mal how she didn't mean "petty".) \\ "suoxi" is technically trivial, small and tedious.
"Idiots. All of you." (Inara, addressing those going along with Saffron's plan.)
"remorseless harridan" (Simon, referring to Saffron.)
"Holy testicle." (Mal, on seeing ritzy estate parlor.)
- Wahg-ba {sic} DAN duh biao-tze.
"Harlots of S.O.B.s" (Saffron, Trash, addressing cops.)
- Tah-shr SUO-yo DEE-yure duh biao-tze duh MAH!
"Whores in hell!" (Kaylee, on seeing Saffron's engine sabotage.)
- {CUT SCENE} Chiang-BAO HOE-tze duh
"monkey raping" (Mal, referring to Alliance's Durran Haymer.)
- {CUT SCENE} KWAI chur hun-rien duh di fahng.
"Go far away very fast." (Simon, to the crude Jayne, as he hides the Tams from Saffron.)
"Don't worry." (Zoe, to Inara about keeping Mal safe.)
"dangly piece of flesh" (Zoe, referring to what Mal shouldn't think with.)
For more information and a pronunciation guide, see the Firefly Chinese Pinyinary.
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