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The Souless Abominations of Piltdown (better known as the SAPs), were Mankind's first great experiment in Memetic Encoding?.

They were also, very nearly, its last.

In 1911*, fossil findings in Sussex were unveiled as "Piltdown Man", the missing link between man and apes. As in current history, the findings were a complete and utter fraud.

One of the conspirators, Arthur Lord Baskerville?, was a popular writer and he published many "scientific" works which amounted to pure fantasy -- speculation on the life and habits of his Piltdown Man. But as he went along, he kept acquiring "aritfacts" from the dig site and these built up a more and more complex picture of the creature.

Eventually, it was revealed that the Piltdown Men were a savage race of pre-humanoids who were "scientifically evolved" from apes by a nefarious alien warlord called Zumm who had been exiled to this planet. He was hounded by an alien of light who, though bound by intergalactic law not to interfere in the affairs of primative worlds, nonetheless fed one Piltdown Man a marvelous "Science Pill" and turned him into TreyParker, the first human -- the tool by which Zumm would be brought down.

It's even more awful than I'm making it sound.

It sold like hotcakes.

So yes, millions of people the world over had this idea of legions of Piltdown Men doing the bidding of the nefarious Doktor Zumm, with only one lone human struggling against the night. It was more than just good fiction though, this was SCIENCE! so it was all true.

At about this time, Baskerville reported an amazing new discovery -- a giant sealed vault buried deep under the ground. The Piltdown crew declared this to be an entrance to a forgotten underground bunker of Zumm's. There were dire markings on the outside, but the Crew felt confident that inside was a treasure trove of valuable artifacts. So they broke the seals and went inside.

That's when the disappearings started.

The first few were clearly just Baskerville drumming up publicity for his "research". But it wasn't long before animals and then people started going missing. These weren't people in on the joke, these were simple folk who lived nearby. Baskerville was terrified about exposing himself, but his hoax was obscuring a real crime. He realized that he had to tell the truth.

And then the photos appeared.

Elsie Wright and Frances Griffiths, two young girls living in Yorkshire reported being attacked by Piltdown Men. Elsie had brought along her father's camera and managed to get a couple of shots. They were headline news. Pressed for an explanation, Baskerville was just as confused as anyone else. Then someone bandied about the idea that perhaps the Piltdown Crew's intrusion into the bunker had activated other facilities.

After that it was all over.

Piltdown Man attacks broke out all over the world in increasing numbers and frequency. Not long after, the sinister Doktor Zumm himself appeared. Trey Parker, given a dose of Yistolf-laced? medicine from a Light Lord determined to end this nonsense, appeared and struggled valiantly to organize humanity to strike them down. In the end though, it was Victoria Regina herself who ended the problem. Baskerville had confessed his crimes to the Queen and after personally administering a royal spanking, she acted.

Appearing in a special, Empire-wide broadcast, Victoria stated that the Piltdown Men didn't exist and all subjects of the Empire were to Pay No Mind At All to them. Well, that pretty much did the trick. Piltdown Man assaults in British territories fell to almost zero overnight. Worldwide, the Piltdown menace faded away as more and more countries adopted the "British Solution". Doktor Zum and Trey Parker continued to exist. Possibly because Victoria hadn't mentioned either of them, perhaps their meme had mutated by then.

SEE ALSO: Arthur Lord Baskerville?, Doktor Zumm, Memetic Encoding?, Trey Parker, Victoria Regina, Yistolf?

This is an S entry in the Lexicon of the Lost 500 Years