"I wanted to look my best. I was tired of all the OTHER guys getting

all the chicks. I was tired of being a ninety-pound weakling. So, I bulked up QUICK with Weight Gain 4000! With over 4000 grams of saturated fat per serving, it's patented formula is designed to enter the mouth and go directly to the stomach where it is distributed to the bloodstream. I got my mom to get me some from the store, and now look at me!

Say it with me: BEEFCAKE! BEEFCAKE!!!!!

Now I have joined this super-cool super team called the Hostess Heroes. I am surrounded by hot chicks and buff dudes all named after my favorite snacky foods. It's like my own little slice of heaven pie.

Hostess Hereos, Masticate! (Heh. I made that up.)

Villains, Respect My Authoritah or I Will Kick You in the Nnnnnuts!"