Ill Met By Gaslight

Episode 1.0 (Pilot) - "The Midsummer Department"

So, we sit ourselves on down to check out "Ill Met by Gaslight." This is a Hiki-Wiki production, so lay in some soda, some salty snacks, and keep a laptop window open to Wikipedia, because these people love them the historical weirdness. With all that ready, the BBC would like to present "A magically awakened Victorian English, rife with fae magic and intrigue."

Do we get Opening Credits and a catchy, psuedo electronica, psuedo-classic violin theme song? We do not. We get the BBC logo on black, which fades into a talking heads segment that's shot like the first thirty minutes of Dark City. Half the production team came to television from comics, so that's how they roll, I guess. We'll get at least one wide-angle shot by Episode Two, I'm sure. Maybe.

Night time. A large half-castle, half mansion in near-silhouette. A few lit windows. A big, empty lawn. Focal point of the castle-manor is a big tower, and there are more towers on each corner -- I think this might mean it's a nice place, y'all. Those who live in England probably recognize the building. I don't.

Text appears at the bottom in a handwriting font and... oh, this is nice, it looks like it's actually being written in. Nice touch. Someone in the show better be keeping a diary though, or there's no reason to do this. Anyway, we see:

"Balmoral Castle, Scotland, April 1890"

The camera jump-cuts. We see a few soldiers, dressed like those guys that do the guard changes at Buckingham Palace. They stoic for a few seconds. The camera soaks it in.

Cut again. A room in Castle Imposing. We the room's barely lit, and we can't see much. Looks like study or library, with nice furniture. A big... screen? is leaning up against one wall -- it can't be a projection screen, right? Maybe we can see clips along the edge, so it's maybe a sheet stretched over a board?On a table across the room, a ... something that can't be a slide projector thing is giving off the only light in the room.

And... I'm going to have to google-pedia slide projectors during the commercial break to see if the contraption is actually historical or something weird. Damn you, writing team!

Someone drops something in front of the light-projection-thingie and on the 'screen', we see Matthew MacFadyen, Great Britain's Designated Stoic Suffering Man, dressed as a bobby.

Cultured Male Voice says: Quince Dunboyne, formerly of Scotland Yard, dismissed with prejudice due to his impolitic accusations during the Ripper unpleasantry two years ago.

I translate: Matthew is cast in the role of the cop who does the wrong things for what he thinks are the right reasons, and gets groin-kicked for it. Also, we're apparently coming into history after Jack the Ripper... which someone just told me I should already know from that 1890 date stamp. Whatever.

We get another picture of MacFadyen, now dressed like he just misplaced his manly Edwardian-era hat. (Yes I know it's Victorian Era. Shut up.) He's at a crime scene, which we know from the body under a sheet. I will pretend to have already known they had cameras back then.

Cultured Male Voice says: Despite that, he's an excellent investigator. With proper direction, he should be of great utility.

I translate: We should be able to play him like a pack of sexy but dead-eyed cards.

We see some hands working the slide projector thing – they are kind of ... wierd. Too long in the fingers, but not so much that you know it's some special effects -- it might just be a freakish long-finger guy. There's a ring his index finger with a HUGE sapphire in it. The lighting team does some special things with the stone and the lantern light, so we are given time to remember the ring for later.

Another picture comes up on the screen. It's ... Stephanie March? How is she working on this and SVU at the same time? Also, she can do an accent? We shall see...

CMV says: Lillian Salisbury – no relation to your prime minister. She has connections and some personal knowledge of what passes for magic in this world. That will be helpful given some of the adversaries likely to get in their way.

I translate: This is our Giles. Say hello, Gilesina.

CMV's hand pulls the slide out of the way, and the white light momentarily illuminates part of the room. We see... Dylan McDermott doing his best impression of Timothy Dalton... in period clothing. Tweed jacket. Looking uncomfortably around the room. Fiddling with a cane across his knees. Can HE do an accent? Good to see him getting work, though.

Another slide drops into place and it's Moira Kelly looking like something made out of really expensive silk. We like Moira. Sigh.

CMV: Lady Octavia Debenham. She has both suffered loss and enjoyed great passion at the hands of the Fae. Her political ties in both worlds will provide some cover for the overall direction of the group.

I translate: This is Faceman, but with angst.

I half-expect CMV to turn directly to the fourth wall and say "They call me Charlie" at this point. I'd kvetch a bit more at the introductions, but I'm still processing all the pretty they've assembled for the cast. Instead he says, "There are others – support personnel, some special attaches and resource individuals, but those are the core team we believe will best serve our purposes."

Some lights come up -- they hiss when they do, and we're given to understand they're gas, not electric -- lookit that show title! It means something! We see some sharp old-lady eyes as the lights come up.

"Very well," she says, sounding all cultured and carved out of stone. We cut to another shot of her. It's totally Queen Victoria, white hair and all. I saw From Hell, I know these things. "We will assume you have selected wisely. Will you be able to guide them appropriately, Roger?"

McDermott looks squeamish.

Did she just call him Roger? ANOTHER Roger? ANOTHER one? Well, at least we know certain people are still on the writing team... the ones with the name-obsession. Those ones.

Another-Roger says, "If Her Majesty will, I still have misgivings about --"

CMV says "I am sure Lord Avebury will handle this with as much care and discretion as he did that unfortunate matter in India."

McRogerDermott looks like he's about to throw down, but he does nothing.

"And if that happens," Queen lady says, and her voice is a little trembly. "You will fulfill your end of the bargain?"

We get a shot of CMV's lips: "Of course, Your Majesty. And have no doubt – all will go according to plan. "

Now we're looking at the back of CMV's head. He's got silver hair pulled back in something like a herringbone braid on mescaline. It makes my fingers ache just looking at it. His head turns, and he's pale, and too pretty to live, and ears that are WAY too long and pointy, and his eyes are sort of too dark and HOLY CHRIST IT'S DAVID BOWIE!

Is it?

IT IS!

It might be! Maybe! WHOA!

No... I can't tell. BUT IT MIGHT BE!

Maybe-bowie says, "You have my word upon it."

...and we have Opening Credits. (With, yeah... infectious synth bass and pulsating violins. Called it in one.)

---

Act One - Scene One: Quince

The commercial break is done. Ill Met by Gaslight is brought to us by BBC America, some folks who hope you'll consider flying British Airways (shyearight), and the great taste of Guinness.

Matthew MacFadyen, a.k.a. Quince Dunboyne, a.k.a. Scruffy McScrufferton is sitting in a run-down flat. Things are in disarray: clothing, dishes, the prominently-displayed-next-to-the-grimy-window formal picture of UnMcScruffy and his dead wife (not dead in the picture, obviously -- is that Rena Sofer? I think it is. She's too pretty to be playing everyone's dead or crippled wife.), and Dunboyne himself. A glass with greenish-brown liquid rests on the arm of the chair he's not-slouching in. There's a bottle on the floor -- no, two -- one large and green and one smaller and not-green. Quince (that's a good name --it's growing on me) continues to sit. He cradles the drink, then takes a sip, eyes are dead and looking out the window. He does not "stare" -- staring is too active a verb for what he's doing -- Dunboyne is waiting for a very uninteresting rock to fall from the sky and kill him, but he doesn't really care if it does, is what I'm saying. For MacFadyen and the BBC, this is something of an action scene, so soak it up, people.

We get a close-up shot of the dead eyes, and there's a knock on the door. The close up demonstrates that the eyes don't even twitch. No response.

If it seems like I'm focusing a bit on the non-action, it's only because MacFadyen somehow manages to make this kind of thing interesting. It's like watching paint dry, when you know the drying process is actually incrediby painful.

There's some more knocking. Then a voice, saying "Mr. Dunboyne." He finally moves a bit, sets the glass down on the floor and stands up, but snags the little brown bottle as he does so and drops it into his pocket. Ahh. This is something he isn't proud of. Gotcha. The big bottle is apparently okay.

Quince goes the door. Looks at for a few seconds as though he's waiting for it to do something. It doesn't, so he opens it. Dylan McDermott is there, looking businesslike... if your business was done by a military sub-contractor. No, he's not in uniform, but he looks like he should be.

MacFadyen looks at him for a few second. Again with the flat expression. "I dunno you," he observes. His accent is intact and fantastic.

McDermott-Roger allows that that's true, but that he knows Mr. Dunboyne, and has been trying to reach him via a number of letters. Had he gotten the letters?

Dunboyne looks at him a few seconds, then at the floor behind the open door, then shoves part of a stack of unopened letters into view with his foot. He hasn't been reading much of anything. Roger points out that the three on top are from him.

Quince acknowledges that they are, but isn't showing much further interest. Roger says "well, this is about a position that Her Majesty's Government would like to offer you within a new Depart--"

That's about as far as he gets before Quince closes the door. Roger-dodger is no slouch, though -- he gets his cane in the door before it can latch. (He seems pretty handy with that thing -- that might matter later, I'm betting, though hopefully not in a John Steed way. I'm just sayin'.) Quince looks at it, then opens the door and looks at Roger.

"-- a new Department, housed within Old Scotland Yard," Avebury finishes. Nice. His accent isn't too bad either, at least to my ears.

Quince turns and walks back to his chair. "I don't work for the Yard anymore," Quince monosyllables.

Avebury steps inside the door, glances around. "You wouldn't technically be working for them now, either, Mr. Dunboyne."

Dunboyne looks at him and says "Unofficial?" Avebury nods. Dunboyne shakes his head and looks away.

"You'll have support, personnel, and the kind of --"

Dunboyne why-me-interrupts. This is the most energy he's given out all scene. "Why would you come looking for me? What's it about?"

Avebury watches him for a bit, then pulls out a big folder full of papers. Sets it on the arm of Quince's chair and flips it open to the top picture. Some dead woman, staring up fron the ground.

Dunboyne looks at it, looks away, and looks again -- kind of a low-key doubletake. Squints. "Is that--"

"It is." Avebury turns back toward the door. "Look the file over, Mr. Dunboyne. We'll be ready for you at Old Scotland Yard by this time tomorrow, if you decide you're interested."

The door closes. Dunboyne stares (really stares) at the photo, his hand rubbing his jaw.

---

Act One - Scene Two: Lillian

Stephanie March looks nervous. I would be too, to be honest -- born in Texas, got a starring role on a Law & Order spinoff, and now you're working the BBC? That's gotta be nerve-wracking, especially when you've got to play across --

Oh, wait, she's dressed in what is probably 'respectable lower-middle class Sunday-go-to-meeting' clothes, smoothing them out over and over again, and staring up at big fancy castle-manor (but not the same one as we saw in the teaser).

She's acting nervous. OH.

Still.

She firms up, walks to the front door, knocks, and some servant answers. They look politely pleased that "Miss Lillian" is on time and mention that Lady Prentice is already on the veranda. Luvly. Cheers. Right-o.

Miss Lillian gives them her coat, then smooths out her dress and heads into the back of the house. She's been here before, but not so often that she manages to look at home. Right.

Lillian hits the veranda at a confident walking speed and heads straight for the noble-looking woman at the table. She leans in, murmuring "Auntie," gives her a air-kiss on the cheek... and it's Imelda Staunton. Stephanie should look nervous. Auntie cool-glances Lillian out of the corner of her eye and looks like a woman who's trying to look pleased that she's just been given a dead animal as a gift from a regrettably slow grand-niece that she doesn't want to offend. Lillian sits down.

Lillian pretends to drink some tea. Her auntie (we don't get her name at any point during this scene, but the cast page for the show lists her as Lady Eugenia Prentice) smalltalks for a little bit and then gets to the meat of why she wanted Lillian to come by. It seems that some friend of Auntie's approached her to pass on a good word to Lillian on his behalf. Lillian tenses up, but it's not some kind of weird 19th century courting thing, it's a job. A job?

Yes, it seems Auntie's friend (who had 'some difficulties' in India, so that means Roger, I'm guessing) is involved in some sort of Governmental... thing, and wanted Lillian to be involved and asked his friend Auntie to bring it up.

So Auntie has brought it up, because the person who asked is a friend (she's kind of careful not to say it's Roger, that it's a man, or how they're friends, which is... odd). She then goes on to say how she thinks the whole thing is a preposterous and utterly inappropriate idea, and would very likely be a blot on "even your father's family, let alone ours." Ooh, burrrrrn.

Lillian murmurs something about how serving Queen and Country would seem like a good thing for the ol' family name, but Auntie counters with the fact that 'her friend' has an odd and disappointing reputation, and it would be very 'unseemly' if this new project failed in similar fashion and Lillian was mixed up in the mess.

HOWEVER...

Auntie reveals that apparently she's not the only one whose heard about this situation -- she's gotten a letter from "your father's brother" -- who is apparently ticked off that the crown would consider a woman for any responsible role at all.

Auntie ironies that she's torn: she doesn't want Lillian mixed up in anything unseemly, but she'd dearly love to show Lillian's Uncle Cornelius what the Prentice women are capable of.

And there's her 'friend' to consider, as well. Curiouser and curiouser.

So... Auntie tells Lillian to go meet with 'these people' and -- she can't believe she's saying this -- use her best judgment as to what to do after that.

---

Act One - Scene Three: Octavia

We are looking a nude female back, sitting on a bed. If things continue along their current pattern, this back will soon be revealed to be that of Moira Kelly.

A soft, really-really familiar super-sexy male voice says something like "you never stay..." and a sort of long-fingered-but-not-as-weirdly-long-fingered-as-maybe-Bowie reaches into the camera frame and traces the line of the back. Everything is candlelight.

The caressed back stands up, but the camera frame stays put, and we're reminded that Ill Met By Gaslight is aired in the UK after the 9pm watershed. Also, Moira's been working out. Goodness me.

The camera gives us a shot of Moira picking up some wrist jewelry off the nightstand and then backs out as she's slipping it on, which tells you that jewelry > clothing in Octavia Debenham's current world. Sexy male caressy voice says "Octavia?...," because the viewers haven't heard her name yet in this scene.

The camera shot is on Moira's kind of blank face, with the Man in a fuzzy shot over her shoulder. She walks away from the bed and the focus shifts and we get a look at Mr. Sexy Voice and Mr. Caressy Hand and OMG IT'S JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS. HOW?!? What about the Tudors? Didn't he swear off working for the BBC? He's not in the main credits?!? He's playing a secondary character? How did I not kno-- OMG HE'S NEKKID!

Breathe. Breathe. Okay.

Wait. They're talking. My ears won't stop ringing. What are they saying?

JRM (who has long ears and other weird face shape things going on, like maybe-bowie): "... I suppose I might go to the party, but you know everyone bores me, my dear, even my own kind."

Octavia snarks about 'his own kind' while she gets dressed (Aside: Why are you GETTING DRESSED, girl? STAY WITH THE PRETTY!) and calls him "M'lord Winterstone," which is rrrrrowr.

Something about her snark reminds "Winterstone" (rrrowr) about something and he tells her he's possibly heard about someone who might be able to help her learn more about her fiance's disappearance. Whoza whatnow? Octavia is engaged? Naughty.

Her whole demeanor shifts from going through the motions to laser-like focus. Who did he hear about? From whom? How much can they help? When? Where?

JRM answers all these with either a little info or a shrug. She thinks on this, totally not keeping in mind that she's staring at (or through) a pretty nekkid man, then turns away and continues with the getting-dressed-and-inexplicably-leaving, but faster.

"Doesn't it bother you," (See? I wrote it down for a reason!) Winternekkid queries her back, "that I, your partner in a scandalous and dare-I-mention entirely forbidden affair, see fit to bring you information regarding your missing fiance?"

Moira/Octavia's (Mocktavia?) response: Not really, because that would imply I care about this situation I'm in, which I don't; not really... who are you again? (I paraphrase. Also: ouch.)

JRM tsks and sexies out of bed, heading toward her for a cuddle. Octavia picks up a hat pin that's about seventy-five inches long (I paraphrase) and upon which the camera lingers a bit, and slides it into the little hat-thing she's got on now. Wintersexy's eyes target-lock on the needle and he changes course abruptly without looking like he's changing course abruptly. Rather than remaining naked and wrapping his arms around someone we can pretend is us, he heads for a changing screen and pulls a robe on instead, thus ending the nekkid.

We hate Octavia right then, just a little bit. Maybe a lot.

Right. They chat a bit more and out Octavia goes, clearly driven far more by her interest in this new lead than she is in disrobing JRM. This, more than anything else, tells us that her priorities are horribly, horribly askew.

---

And we have a COMMERCIAL BREAK. Quick, to the Bat-ipedia!

---

... AND WE'RE BACK. This section of Ill Met by Gaslight is brought to you by the hypnotic cascade of Guinness, and some model of car I've never heard of, probably because its gas mileage it too good to be allowed in the States.

Act Two: Everyone

We're looking at a old building in period-London -- something I'd probably recognize if I weren't me. Burly men are moving heavy things out of the building and into a big wagon, and Lady Moira is watching them from across the street, wearing the same thing she was wearing when she left Winterrrowr's place earlier. The burly men exposition, talking about how they have to move all this stuff to the "New Yard." One of them asks if they have to get everything in the East Wing also, and Boss Burly says no, "that's for the new group what's moving in there." We assume those are the people Octavia is here to see. She seems to agree, and heads across the street and up the stairs as the wagon wagons away.

Cut. We're looking at a waiting room, probably. MacQuinceyen is sitting in a chair against one wall, and Lillian is sitting in another chair against the opposite wall. Quince is wearing pretty much the same thing we saw him in before, and Lillian isn't. This means that it's (a) probably the next day from when either of those two were told about this deal and (b) Quince has pretty much given up. Oh Quince. Both of them are very much not looking at each other. We are given to understand that small talk has already died a violent and bloody death in this room, and we think we know who did it.

Lady Octavia moiras through the door. Dunboyne makes an attempt at standing up in a lady's presence, but isn't really going at it full-throttle. Octavia gives him a nod and sits on the opposite wall, but not too close to Lillian.

No one says anything.

No one continues to say anything. There's a clock ticking somewhere.

Dead-air tension mounts to the point where I'm starting to get twitchy. Octavia finally leans forward a bit, looking at Dunboyne and says "Excuse me --"

Right then, the door opposite the entrance opens. Both women jump just a little. Dunboyne just looks. It's Roger Avebury, and he was apparently in his office the whole time, letting them be uncomfortable. Nice. He's leafing through some papers and not looking at anyone, then he does and gives them all a nod and asks them inside. Dunboyne lets the ladies go first, but looks britishly-annoyed to do so. Does he hate women? Hmmm...

Dunboyne hands back the file Avebury gave him, before sitting down. This seems to make the ladies think that Dunboyne is Someone Already Involved, which might have been the point. In any case, Dunboyne doesn't seem to understand why the women are there, and moves his chair a little away from them; just a few inches.

Ahh. This is the exposition scene; it wasn't just the burlies outside. Lemme sum up.

Avebury is in charge of this "Division M," which is taking over the part of Old Scotland Yard that "the rest of Special Branch" recently vacated for new digs somewhere else. Division M (which at some point Avebury says stands for "The Midsummer Division") is in charge of investigating 'situations involving the fae,' specifically, situations that would be 'volatile' if learned by the general public.

Dunboyne frowns. He asks if the Division is supposed to be some kind of cover up group for the fairies (he's the only one who has called them that this episode -- he says it like it's an n-word), and Avebury says no. Dunboyne then asks about typical protocols. He understands the need for undercover agents, but if the Division is hiring "bang-tails" (wikipedia: I think we can all figure it out in context) as bait for --

The ladies erupt at this. Lady Octavia is all like "I beg your pardon?", but it's Lillian who gets the choice line here: she just stands up and apologizes to Avebury, explaining that she "must be in the wrong room." ZING. Avebury damage-controls for a few seconds and Lillian sits down. Both ladies glare the Death of a Thousand Penile Papercuts at Dunboyne, who relents a bit, realizing his huge foot-mouth juxtaposition, and apologizes for his asshat behavior.

"It's just," he volleys to Avebury, "a very unusual situation."

Avebury takes the slow-pitch and changes the subject back to the situation at hand. The department has some support staff on board, but the three in the room were hand-selected as the most beneficial as 'lead' members. He explains the 'benefits' of the organization -- access to restricted files, case histories, and a fair amount of 'investigational latitude' (glance at Quince).

The ladies are a bit baffled (Octavia more than Lillian, who seems to know why she'd be useful), and Octavia gets to the point by saying "Hey, I came here to find out more about a certain someone I'm not going to name in front of Mr. Asshat over there who I've forgiven-not-really and totally-not-forgotten, and I'm not hearing anything about that, so what's up?" (I paraphrase.)

Lillian chimes in a little more obliquely than that, asking about the particulars of the 'access.'

Dunboyne has a completely different angle -- he doesn't seem to be arguing that he's interested in the job, but he states flat out that he wants to know that 'things will actually happen to those we apprehend.' He references the crime-file he's already read and which the ladies haven't, and finally flips it open to the top photo, stabbing it with his finger and saying something like "the thing that did this needs to pay, this time." The women try not to see the photo, but see it anyway.

Avebury first assures Dunboyne that the intent is to bring any wrong-doers to justice. Looking at the wimmins, he explains that the woman in the photo, one Olivia Johnson, was chairman of the Spenserian Society, a private sort of 'friends of the fae' group that a certain Frederick Highbourne? (oh lord, they actually got away with calling someone something that obvious?) was also a member of. (Octavia's poleaxed look indicates this is an affiliation she'd not been aware of in her -- yes, it's her long-lost fiance, Freddy, we're talking about.)

While Highbourne disappeared -- presumably somewhere 'into the Fae' (it's a place?) -- two years ago, there are similarities. Ms. Johnson also disappeared without a trace about one year ago, and reappeared in the streets of London a few days ago, dead. "Signs" indicate that she was in the Fae during that missing period of time, and the method of her death seems to indicate foul play.

Dunboyne snorts at what we read as a major understatement. Octavia looks a bit striken.

Lillian asks if this was the sort of event that heated up things so much in India, which gives Avebury a start. Dunboyne picks this up and makes mental note of it. Avebury gives Lillian a stiff reply, but seems to confirm enough that she's satisfied with her guesses that Avebury is her Auntie's 'friend.' (Whatever 'that' means.)

Avebury pushes for some kind of commitment -- he really can't move forward with this any further until the three of them agree to accept these positions and... signs these papers... which he slides over. (Octavia gets THE FUNNY for the episode, innuendoing about 'accepting a position.')

Dunboyne looks at Avebury for a bit, then signs. Octavia does also. Lillian watches both of them, but when she signs, you get the impression that she wasn't so much unsure of what to do as just waiting for her turn with the pen.

Avebury picks the papers back up, stacks them, looks the three over, and says "Good."

---

COMMERCIAL

((Yes, Bang-tale means a hooker if you're from Victorian England. If not, it means a race horse. Weird.))

---

Act Three, Scene One, Part One: Lillian

We fade in to a carriage rolling through a less than lovely part of London. Roger Avebury is voiceovering (McDermott is pulling off a passable accent, as near as I can tell) as the camera follows. It sounds as though he's assigning each of our stars something to do. In this case, he says something about the location where Olivia Johnson's body was found is somewhere near London Pool, whereever that is, and that he'll have a driver take Lillian out to there to see if she can learn anything about where she she actually died.

Which is weird, because Scuffy McDunboyne would seem like the person to send out to a place like this, what with him being all investigatey, so it would follow that we'll find out what Lillian's deal is.

The carriage pulls up. It's black. It doesn't have a logo or anything for Division M. The driver hops down, opens up the door, and puts a hand up to help the lady down. He gets a big black kind of hard case handed to him instead. Honestly it looks like a black toolbox. Lillian helps herself down and looks left, right (past the driver) and then the camera pov shifts to the other end of an alley that she's standing in front of, showing a long shot of her peering down it. We cut back to a close shot of her as she starts down the alley. She stops when the driver clears his throat.

"I'll just wait here with the carriage then, ma'am," he wusses.

Lillian takes a few seconds to mentally move him to a lower evolutionary rung, then steps back and take the case off his hands. He wusses about the carriage being a tempting prize for thieves. She drops him another rung or two and heads back down the alley.

Down at the end of the alley where the camera was at before, there is a kind of mini-crossroad with another alley. There's a heavy smear of blood on the wall and even more on the ground right at the corner. We are given to understand that this is where Olivia Johnson became an ex-parrot.

Lillian glances back at the carriage, which she can still see, then sets down the case and flips it open.

---

Act Three, Scene Two, Part One: Quince

We cut to a shot of the city morgue -- a continuing shot that pans over several rows of tables (some with bodies on them) in a sporadically lit and columned room. Again with the voiceover, but this one is shorter: "Olivia Johnson's body is interred at the city morgue, pending our investigation." The camera stops ending with a frizzy-haired fellow peering though an extra lense mounted on his glasses at something/someone on a table that we don't have to look at -- he looks fascinated.

Voiceover: "I'm sure you'll know what to do, Mr. Dunboyne."

The door at the top of the steps leading up and out of the morgue booms open, out of sight. Mister corpse-staring-guy turns and looks up in a nearsighted kind of way. Light is shining through the door and down the steps, and we see Dunboyne's shadow, then his feet, descending, followed predictably by the rest of him. Mister Starey continues to do that, and Quince walks right up to him and stops, doing the dead-eyed look.

They look at each other. Dunboyne finally realizes he's going to have to say something, so: "Dunboyne, I'm here from Divis-- I'm here to see Olivia Johnson."

"Not here," the guy says. He grins, shoving the weird glasses out of the way. "Lucky for you, her body still is, though. C'mon." He's got a serious Scots accent, and looks kind of ...

Jack Coleman? As a Scottish... what? Forensic coroner? The hell? Did the BBC run out of British actors? Also, did this show simply hire the entire cast of Heroes for bit parts?

He's playing the part of eccentric-expert-guy here, though, and looks like he's having a ball with it -- he sidetracks into the guy on the slab under the lights, explaining that he was murdered for an inheritance, but if the murderer had just waited a bit longer, cancer would have killed the subject off -- he demonstrates this by getting up-close and personal and poking at some spongy tissue, then pushing the table out of the way, kind of letting it and the body on it coast off into a corner, then skittering off and lugging another table under the lights. He introduces Olivia with a bow and tugs the sheet down. We're shown Dunboyne's face, who stoics with only the barest hint of a ghost of an effort. A few seconds go by while the dead eyes look over the dead girl.

"How many stab wounds in all?" Quince is being all businesslike and clipped and curt -- can't tell if this just doesn't affect him or if this is how he keeps from puking.

Also, the camera is doing a weird thing -- the shot is from up near the ceiling, and moving -- we can't see Olivia dead-on (heh) thanks to the angle and the coroner in the way, but we see her face.

"Thirteen," says crazy Jack (who introduced himself as Hamish Murdock -- I missed the first name). He sounds kind of proud. The coroner waggles a finger, and the camera's finally in a normal place. "But here's the interesting thing..." he says. "Look here." He turns his head to point something out on the body and some kind of black bag thing whips down over his head. He screams like someone being smothered with a pillow.

---

Act Three, Scene Three, Part One: Octavia

Another carriage, this one pulling up in a much nice part of the city. Roger-Voiceover says "there's a possibility that the Spenserian Society knows something else about the circumstances that led to Miss Johnson's disappearance. They weren't very forthcoming when she first disappeared, but her death might bring the seriousness of the situation home. We're not sure who to speak to within the society, their membership is officially private, but they are wealthy and well-to-do. I hope you might know someone who could point us in the right direction, Lady Debenham.

The scene jumps to a done-up matron smiling and walking toward Octavia, who's stepping in through the front door of the club and handing her coat to an attendance. The woman is all smiles and "give me a not-hug and an air-kiss." She calls Octavia Octavia, and Octavia calls her Beatrice and pretend-smiles back.

The women head for a private table in a lounge, where they're waited on hand and foot. Beatrice humbles that she has no idea why Octavia would search her out, and Octavia expositions that if there's anything good to know about the high and mighty in London, Beatrice would know it. Beatrice is Victorian Era's Popwatch. Beatrice smiles a smile that says "you're damn right I am, but look how demure," and asks what she can exposition about.

Octavia asks, and Beatrice tells her a little about the Spenserian's. The whole group is very in with drooling over the Fae visiting Her Majesties court, and should be all kinds of "present and accounted for" at Lord Ravenwind's shindig (which is the party I think Octavia mentioned to Winterhottie before, when I was freaking out).

"In fact, she says, "I'm very surprised you don't know about them already, Octavia, with your connections."

---

Act Three, Scene One, Part Two: Lillian

We cut back to Lillian, kneeling next to her open black case and the big bloodstain, which she's looking at like it's a particularly challenging golf shot.

She starts pulling bottles out of the bag. A bottle of white stuff, a bottle of black stuff, a bottle of green stuff. Some candles. A piece of string she loops around her neck.

Right. She opens the white stuff bottle and pours some out -- it looks like salt or something like that -- into a big circle that surrounds the blood stain. Then she makes a smaller circle inside the big one, but off-center, only about the size of a plate, and close to one edge of the big circle, right on top of the bloodstain.

Then she sets up some candles, and lights them, all while murmuring something under her breath that's probably supposed to be Latin. I don't know from Latin, but it sounds right.

This goes on a for a little bit. The camera is RIGHT over her, looking straight down at her back while she works, and the circle.

Olivia Johnson starts to fade into view, lying on the ground, inside the circle. Her head is laying right where the little circle was. She's pretty dead-looking, and he head is flopped over and she's still kind of see through.

Lillian says one more abrupt thing and Olivia's eyes flutter open. She stays like that for a little bit, then looks up at the sky. She's moving kind of oddly. She stands up really fast, like she's falling in reverse, and is suddenly leaning on the -- OH! She's a -- it's like she's a flickery home movie, playing in reverse. She backwards-steps once, unstaggers back into the wall where the smear is, and reverse-drags herself along that, and proceeds to walk backwards, looking back over her shoulder -- like she's stagger-running from something, but since this is going in reverse, it kind of almost look like she's just walking backwards, and trying to see where she's going.

But not really. It's a little spooky.

Lillian watches Olivia, then looks at the carriage, which is down the other alley, then bundles up all her stuff and follows reverse-Olivia.

Apparently, Lillian is the only person who can see this playback, because Olivia backs right out of the end of the alley and into a street with people walking along, and no one notices her. She reverse shambles across to another alley and into it, and Lillian follows.

More stumbling, more looking back in fear over her ghost/replay shoulder, and she back up right to a big set of double doors in what looks like an old warehouse type place, then right through it.

Lillian frowns, looking all thoughtful and walks right up to the door, peering up at it, and reaching a hand out.

At which point some big brute with a too-small bowler hat steps out from behind a crate along the alley and grabs her and clamps a hand over her mouth. Another weasely looking guy steps in front of her with a "Well well well, what do we have here?"

Lillian jerks her head back into the big guys face, who shouts and lets go of her. She swings her big bag and clocks little weasely guy with it. He goes down. She turns to run --

-- and the big guy decks her. She drops. Camera angle looks on her. She out on the cobblestones. Both guys are looking down at her (weasely guy steps into frame a few seconds late). Neither look happy.

---

Act Three, Scene Two, Part Two: Quince

Quince isn't looking at Hamish when he gets mugged by the big black sack thing, and he doesn't look up until the violent movement happens and Hamish hits the ground, trying to pull the thing off. No one's holding the bag... it's just a bag'. Weird. Or a bag-thing. Something.

Quince looks around for something to use and we follow his gaze to the tray full of autopsy nasty-tools. He grabs a big scalpel/knife thing and starts to move around the table, glancing over his shoulder as he does.

Something is weird about this shot; we see, I think, from his point of view, and in his point of view there's a dead-obvious second black thing poised to jump down on him from the ceiling. Then we jump back to a normal point of view from a few feet away, and he's facing the thing and looking up at the ceiling, but the ceiling is totally dark and we can't see anything now.

Then the bag-thing leaps out of the darkness and he slashes at it with the big knife.

The camera slo-mos a little bit, and we see the knife go through this sack thing really easily -- it's a big slash, with no blood showing, and the edges of the cut start to burn, like the ash on the end of a cigar when it flares up. Quince must know the thing is done because he's already turning away from it and march-walking toward Hamish. Over his shoulder, we see the ash-fire effect spread over the thing as it falls to the ground.

Quince basically tackles Hamish when he gets close, sort of sitting on his chest. We get a shot over Quince's shoulder at Hamish's head, which is totally covered by this bag-thing that looks kind of like a thick, living, black garbage bag. Quince can't seem to figure how to cut the thing without cutting Hamish, and finally clamps his hand down where Hamish's forehead would be to hold him still and holds the flat of the knife blade against the thing, instead of cutting.

Sizzle sizzle sizzle sizzle. Smoke pouring up past Quince's face, and a kind of critter-screaming going on. We look back at Hamish, and the thing is scrambling to get off his head and get away. It's smoking, like it's been branded. Quince lets it go. Hamish's face is unburned. Quince stands up, gives a hand down to Hamish, and helps him up with a 'you all right?'

Hamish nods, trying to catch his breath and, as soon as he can talk, says "See... the strange thing about the girl's death is..." and he starts to walk back over to the table to show Quince the odd thing.

Quince is like "dude, seriously? Work-life balance, and I'm not one to talk." He says, "You've just been attacked by a... [head shake] something."

Hamish says, "Well, yes, that's... a problem, but this thing with the girl, it's very odd. Come look." He wanders off frame.

Quince watches him go, then says "You want a job?" in a very British way, and follows him out of frame.

Nice.

---

Act Three, Scene Three, Part Two: Octavia

Octavia looks a bit pale and 'oh crap' at Mrs. Nosy asking about her bidness and pretends to be all like "I don't know what you'd be referring to -- certainly it couldn't be the hunka hunka faesexy I've got stashed for a little pixie dust sumpin' sumpin' on the side -- nope, totally couldn't be that... uh-uh."

Mrs. Nosy is like "Riiiiight. We won't name names, but we all know who we're talking about and how you have a thing for men with big, long... ears. Mmmkay?"

Octavia and Mrs. Nosy go back and forth a little bit, with Mrs. Nosy giving up that the Spenserian Society is officially run by Somebody Witherspoon, but the real head dude is the guy signing the checks, Lord William Porter?. Porter is supposed to be at the big fae shindig thing that we already know Octavia's going to be going to, so she can check him out there.

During this, Octavia gives up a little more about it being about Olivia Johnson (though she doesn't mention the name, exactly) and about 'those who've disappeared in the last few years.' At which point "Beatrice" a-has about her fiance having once been in the Spenserians, and how Octavia must mourn the loss of her fiance, and Octavia gets all kinds of wound up and excuses herself.

So we see the reflection of Octavia in the window of the London women's club, and then the camera shifts focus and we see that Bitch-atrice is at the window, watching her, and not smiling much. Some other woman comes up and she tells her "Octavia is going to want to talk to Lord Porter at the party -- make sure preparations are made."

And we cut to... credits? CREDITS?

"Two-part Series Premiere?" WHAT? MAN!

They're doing a two-hour premiere, and the next part is tomorrow? DAMN YOU, BBC!

GAH! The worst part of waiting is that I know I wouldn't miss it.

Will Moira Kelly try to find out what happened to her fiance and destroy her chance to get nekkid with Winterstone life in the process? Will Matthew MacFadyen ever stop being unrelentingly glum and deeply British? Will Stephanie March survive the pilot and into the regular season's casting? And will this recapper write something just as long for the second half of the pilot? We DON'T KNOW, but at least the wheels are in motion.

---

Next, on Ill Met By Gaslight...

• Octavia, at a party, heading toward William Porter?, is stopped by Winterstone, who murmurs "You don't want to go over there."
• Lillian running down scary London streets, at night.
• Sir William Porter? (55, bearded): "Now that we've obtained one of Victoria's little pets, our plans can come to fruition."
• Quinn, under gaslights on a street, looking at someone whose face is shadowed: "I know you're behind this..."