Zenith was originally a musical number that was performed by the Kimbuki Bassoon and the Wazihashi Tuba, something that sounds much more pleasant than the instrument names would imply. When properly performed it made the staunchest of men cry, the most frigid of women would swoon, and various farm animals to chime in chorus with the sonorous sounds of the melody. ¹

As time passed, there were attempts to actually try to put words to the song so that people who were tone-deaf or music stupid would be able to appreciate the imagery the ballad was attempting to convey. The first and best known attempt to create lyrics was not by Hugh Gabilshatush, who was quoted as saying, “Creating lyrics to go with the Zenith would be like trying to shear a sheep using a dull spoon, both impractical and messy,” but by an unknown poet named Lim Dek?. According to reports there were thirty seven verses, the first couple of which are listed below. ²

Your red rose lips they are so fine

They taste to me of thick red wine

Thine thighs are nice and creamy, and white

Nummy, Yummy, wanna take a bite.

Bow chika bow wow,

Chika, chika, chika

Bow chika bow wow

Before his death which happened approximately three minutes into the first performance of the Zenith with said lyrics, Lim said that the second verse was actually a chorus to be said after every verse. Rumors say this comment resulted in a much quicker demise.

Other lyrics have been created for the Zenith, but none have been publicly performed, mostly for fear of immediate dismemberment or something worse. ³ Instead the individuals keep the lyrics to themselves, singing them quietly when a rendering of the song is played.

¹: In particular the mooing of cows and the barking of the Didgehound lend themselves well to the harmony of the Zenith.

²: The remaining verses are contained within a particular Tome because they are so awful that it is hard to believe they were ever created.

³: The something worse involving the audience being driven to wanting to take up cannibalism, the lyricist being the only thing on the menu they would want to eat.