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"Granted, I was more a catch-and-release sort of squadder -- you know, frighten some poor chap by throwing Fengaks at him and then reeling in the little buggers before they could actually do any harm. Or hang around the brothels and threaten some Kimbuki Bassoon artist with torture until we wangled a backstage pass from 'im.
"It wasn't until my last year before being sent up that I realized what the role of the upperclassman was -- largely to make sure that we didn't have to do any real work. I mean, you wouldn't believe the sorts of people who'd hang around asking for us to knock about someone in particular, or skewer some unfortunate who'd crossed them. We did a bit of that, needed the clink-clink, don'tcha know, to keep body and soul together late in the term, but, honestly, that was far too much like actual work to be fun. Worse, some of the younger lads thought they should go about drumming up actual business, like we were merchants or something. Commendable and all that, but frankly, getting involved in some vengeance scheme by that dreadful Carmel Feralia, or assassinating the Prince Of Hams, or helping Faerie Dust dealer A take over Faerie Dust dealer B's territory ... well, I say, that sort of thing might go on one's permanent record and all that if caught.
"No, much more enjoyable to haze the first years, go on dagger raids to the other schools, work out some private bit of tawdry revenge for some imagined slight by a townsman, impress the ladies with our daring-do, then head back to the old common room for a hot toddy or five, what?"
-- Aetherioscope Interview with Lord Braden Polz, OCD, A Scandalous Life (2984 AP)