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Duke Wells W. Wells of Exerprad, ruling monarch and wealthy playboy, is the epitome of excessive living and carefree attitude. Although the middle initial is not publically recorded, Exerprad’s residents have many of their own names attributed to it: Womanizer, Woe-be-gone, Weirdo, Wuss, and Whack-job. The Duke claims it really stands for Woldecott1, but also often jokes that it stands for Winner2. Whatever it stands for, there is no argument amongst his subjects that he’s definitely “different”3.

The Duke is best known for his lavish parties, spectacular display of wealth, and his eccentric, spur of the moment decrees. Such mannerisms have always run in the Wells family, like the first Charnel Run started by his great-great-great-great-grandfather, Duke Walsy Wells. The Wells family has ruled Unaria for 13 ½ generations4.

Those visiting Duke Wells at his Palace of Delicacies are always in for a treat. The Duke serves nothing but the best from his kitchens. Previous dishes have included exotic Fengak flavored cakes and gelatins, Wild Oolac? filled pastries, Girasol infused cheeses, and, perhaps most exotic of all, Essence of Undead, a potent wine distilled in Zombey skulls5. The Palace is incredible in décor as well. The Grand Ballroom is said to have over a hundred tables and more than a thousand Fengak skinned chairs, in every color imaginable6. The Duke’s bedroom includes a full-sized Kimbuki Bassoon, rarely seen since the invention of the much smaller, portable7 version.

The Duke’s fashion sense is considered the most chic8 in all the lands. His favorite outfit, which he’s only worn once like all his outfits, is a navy blue and forest green plaid kilt worn over teal tights, accompanied by white frilled shirt with maroon jacket. Of course the whole thing is accompanied by the Duke’s signature powdered wig and wire-rimmed glasses9. Of course, perhaps his picture is all that really needs to be seen here to understand.

Duke Wells’ lovers are many and varied. Rumored to have been wooing Princess Carmel Feralia for the last 12 years10, his own confessed preference is for small Gelt men and Midtown Elves. This leads to many doubting the continuation of the royal line, and those same people usually point to past inbreeding11 in the royal line as cause for the Duke’s eccentricities.

1This seems plausible given the devout inebriation of the Duke's parents, but this does raise the issue of whether Duke Wilt Wells thought his son was a God, son of a God, or a prophet in chic clothing.

2Winner of... what exactly?

3And by "different" they mean womanizer, woe-be-gone, weirdo, wuss, and whack-job.

4Duke Wells' great-grandfather, Everett, was only 4'2" tall.

5Obtaining the right Zombey skull is quite a trick, and the best skulls come from the Xtant Mountains.

6Fengak skinned furniture became illegal with the civilization of the Fengaks.

7If one considers an ox-cart sized instrument "portable".

8And gaudy.

9The Duke wears glasses to look more intelligent, not because he needs them to see. We think it's working. What about you?

10The Duke and Princess met when the Duke was 8 years old. They've been rumored to be wooing ever since. The Duke has never seen her again.

11Have you met my mother/sister/aunt/cousin twice-removed? Yeah, it's really that bad...


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Page last modified on November 01, 2008, at 06:15 PM by David Stroh

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